Things - Amber Lynn

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S E A R C H D V D B e a v e r

directed by Andrew Jordan
Canada 1989

Don (Barry J. Gillis) and Fred (Bruce Roach) get a ride into the wiles of Grizzly Flats, California to visit Don's eccentric brother Doug (Doug Bunston), who lives in a remote cabin with his pregnant and ailing wife Susan (Patricia Sadler). Before you can say THE EVIL DEAD, Don and Fred discover a tape recorder and a book (the book is actually about Aleister Crowley), but that's quickly forgotten when they discover a supposedly destroyed painting of the devil's daughter by Salvador Dali, but that falls by the wayside when they discover another odd painting supposedly gifted to Doug by the Queen of England. Then there's the rumor that Don and Doug's uncle was horribly dismembered by his own wood-chopping axe years ago in these very surrounding woods. At that point, Susan gives an ALIEN-style (or perhaps HUMANOIDS OF THE DEEP-style) birth to a toothsome creature that devours her ("it ate her to the bone!"). Doug explains that he and Susan could not bear children so they approached world-respected scientist Dr. Lucas (Jan W. Pachul) - conveniently a Grizzly Flats local - to perform an "artificial impregnation" while he was not otherwise engaged ripping eyes and tongues out of live human research subjects. Fred inexplicably disappears and soon Don and shirtless Doug are facing off against the rapidly multiplying titular “things” armed only with an electric drill (with a limited amount of extension cord), a hammer (“I hammered your head! Are you alright?”), a chainsaw, and a stick. Meanwhile, former porn starlet Amber Lynn reports the news, which includes the copyright issues surrounding George Romero’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, the administration of Bush the elder, jabs at invasions of privacy in American politics, Dr. Lucas’ more legit experiments, and a pair of missing persons named Don and Fred... From the bowels of suburban Canada comes this supposedly in Super 8 independent horror feature (reportedly shot for $350,000). It's eighty four minutes of stupefying performances, dialogue (post-synched), and nearly inanimate monsters (well, they pop now and then). The perhaps-intended dream-like atmosphere is not really successful, but the bewildering behavior of the characters is too earnest to come across as parody. On the other hand, a few of the gags late in the film that seem intended to be funny might be a bit freaky once the film has worn you down. Despite the seeming randomness of some of its elements, the film is not unpredictable; and yet, it somehow manages to arrive at the familiar groan-worthy horror film turns in a head-scratching manner. The end credits state "You Have Just Experienced THINGS" and "experience" may indeed accurately describe the way in which one processes the film's imagery and sounds.

Eric Cotenas

Poster

Theatrical Release: September 1989 (USA)

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DVD Review: Intervision Pictures Corp. - Region 0 - NTSC

Big thanks to Eric Cotenas for the Review!

DVD Box Cover		CLICK to order from:
Distribution	Intervision Pictures Corp. Region 0 - NTSC
Runtime	1:23:48
Video	1.33:1 Original Aspect Ratio Average Bitrate: 5.78 mb/s NTSC 720x480 29.97 f/s
	NOTE: The Vertical axis represents the bits transferred per second. The Horizontal is the time in minutes.
Bitrate
Audio	English LPCM 2.0 mono
Subtitles	none
Features	Release Information: Studio: Intervision Pictures Corp. Aspect Ratio: Fullscreen - 1.33:1 Edition Details: • Audio Commentary with director Andrew Jordan and stars Barry J. Gillis, Jan W. Pachul, and Doug Bunston • Audio Viewing Party with the Cinefamily • Testinmonials on THINGS: interviews with • - Tobe Hooper (4:3; 3:36) • - Jason Eisener and Rob Cotterill (16:9; 5:19) • - Canuxploitation.com creator Paul Corupe (16:9; 6:39) • - Bleeding Skull's Joseph A. Ziemba and Dun Budnik (4:3; 2:15) • - THINGS-ite Joey Izzo (4:3; 3:57) • THINGS 20th Anniversary Cast and Crew Reunion (4:3; 16:20) • Behind the Scenes with Amber Lynn (4:3; 10:36) • Vintage Barry J. Gillis TV Appearances (4:3; 5:47) • THINGS trailer (4:3; 2:57) • EVIL ISLAND investor reel (4:3; 2:06) • Trailers for BURNING MOON, SLEDGEHAMMER, and THE SECRET LIFE OF JEFFREY DAHMER • Start-up Trailer for BURNING MOON DVD Release Date: 12 July 2011 Amaray Chapters 17

Comments

THINGS come to DVD looking appropriately garish and fuzzy. This is a cheaply shot, cheaply processed Super 8 film edited on video (dig those gaudy video switcher credits); only the Amber Lynn scenes were shot in 16mm and look marginally, though consistently, better. Most of the audio is post-dubbed so the stupefying dialogue, music, and ridiculous sound effects all come through "nicely" in LPCM 2-channel mono. The film ends at roughly eighty-four minutes and is followed by about ten minutes of footage including Amber Lynn talking about working with John Frankenheimer and Ann Margaret on 52 PICK-UP and an extended version of the early tape recorder scene with live sound - noisy camera and all). The commentary tracks end before these extra bits so I assume they are hidden extras for people who watch the entire end credits sequence. THINGS was previously released on DVD in Canada in 2008 with extras (the rowdy cast/crew commentary and 20th anniversary reunion are ported over from that edition, as well as the unused footage, the behind the scenes stuff with Amber Lynn, and probably the Tobe Hooper bit from the testimonials section). New to the Intervision release is the Cinefamily viewing party (somewhat jokey, but there are some interesting observations and an attempt to engage with the film seriously) and most of the THINGS testimonials (the Eisener/Cotteril one has THINGS-style gel lighting while the Ziemba/Budnik one has been treated to THINGS-esque vocal processing). Trailers for BURNING MOON (also the startup trailer), SLEDGEHAMMER (actually an excerpt), and JEFFREY DAHMER: THE SECRET LIFE round out the extras.

- Eric Cotenas

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